[*] Translation notes
--Start: Fate/Prototype Drama CD--
This drama CD is fiction, and please take note that it is a different portrayal than the original version. Then, please enjoy this story!
This story begins with a written invitation. Sponsored by Archer-san, who rented an entire medium-sized cruise liner, so that we could enjoy navigating the sea while holding a Christmas party on the ship. Yes, I must have let down my guard because the Holy Grail War had ended. To think that I would be able to enjoy a Christmas party with the too-dazzling knight in shining armor, Saber…! It must have been because I longed for this type of situation that I was completely bewitched. If I had just thought about it a little, I would have realized that it would definitely not be the ocean journey of a girl’s dreams, but would instead be a situation that could be summarized with the words “the beginning of hell”…
Saber: But time sure does fly. That hellish Holy Grail War seems as though it was only yesterday.
Ayaka: I can finally move my body again. I would never have imagined that the day that I could celebrate Christmas with Saber would come.
Saber: Yes. Over there are our rooms we were given. As a knight, let me enter first to confirm that they are safe.
Ayaka: Wait, Saber, ladies should go first!
Saber: No, no. Although the battle is over, I will always have the duty of protecting you.
Ayaka: How mean-
Ayaka: Amazing! This room is so luxurious that it doesn’t seem like we’re on a ship anymore! Sparkling furniture, a huge LCD TV, a tank with tons of jellyfish swimming in it, some Japanese swords on the wall, and on top of the elegant table, beautifully arranged bananas and tender fried chicken-
Saber: Look, Ayaka, there’s a cute white bear doll sitting on the chair. But, what is this?
Saber: There is only one double bed in this room.
Ayaka: Huh? Eh? The same room? Well, we did live together at my home during the Holy Grail War…eh? Huh? Huh? Wait…Ah! N-no, don’t suddenly turn off the lights like that…? Huh? Just a power outage? Did the ship lose power? Ah! No, that’s not it! I was just surprised that it became so dark all of a sudden…Saber? Are you making fun of me? Are you secretly laughing at me? Saber? Hey, Saber? Where did you go? Hey, Saber! Saber!
And then I realized. During this time, that incident occurred in another room. In a room darker than darkness itself shone a brilliant pair of eyes, coldly watching the body of the pitiful victim gradually losing their life.
Fate/Prototype Drama CD: On-Ship Christmas Murder Case
Saber: Ahem...Silent, please! Ladies and gentlemen who are gathered here at the lounge that was supposed to have the joyous atmosphere of a happy Christmas party, I must regretfully inform you that an extremely sorrowful thing has happened. One of today’s esteemed guests, Caster-san…was murdered by an unknown person. He was murdered in the room that was assigned to him. The murder weapon is unclear. The door was locked from the inside and the chain was up. This is the so-called locked-room murder. Well then, the explanation ends here. Everyone in front of me, you should know without me saying it why you were specially designated, right?
Lancer: What, weren’t we here for a banquet? Instead of this, why can’t we just hurry up and party?
Archer: Ah! It is seldom that I agree with you, Lancer. Indeed, instead of this, my mind has been seized by Ayaka’s overwhelming beauty. This feeling…can be nothing other than love! I wish to embrace you, Ayaka!
Manaka: That’s right, that’s right, I want a hug too~ but the one I wish to embrace is my Saber!
Saber: In other words, the three people here who are under the most suspicion in this incident are Lancer, Archer, and Sajyou Manaka. What do you think, Ayaka?
Ayaka: Uh- everyone wait, wait! I said that twice because it’s important. I can understand Lancer-san and Archer-san surviving, because the plot advanced like that I definitely understand. But, why is Caster-san still alive after the Holy Grail War ended…but wait, it seems like he just died…but he must have been alive before that. And also, please explain these other things, such as why Nee-san is so lively. M
anaka: Ufufu~ What are you saying, Ayaka, isn’t the Holy Grail War over because of your awakening? Indeed, you abandoned the witchcraft that you were no good at, discovered a new talent and, after developing into a possible monster, mastering with astonishing speed consecutive Gandr, Unlimited Blade Works, Ionian Hetairoi or something like that and those sorts of techniques that require cheats to master. After that, you continued to consecutively summon Aristotle, Plato and Socrates and using their powers of persuasion, annexed everyone! There were zero deaths! Didn’t it end like that?
Ayaka: Eh? Huh?! Did the story really unfold that way? I did indeed have an awakening, but I don’t remember having any of that strange Reality Marble stuff.
Manaka: Ayaka, don’t believe the world that you see; don’t erase this memory; don’t forget my pain, and kiss-Aah!!
Lancer: Stop that, and I mean that in a bunch of ways.
Manaka: How mean, using the sharp end of your spear to hit my head. Saber, my wound hurts, so please bring me something to heal it. Ice! Ice would be the best. [dunno if she means ice, or ice cream. I am somehow inclined to say ice cream but who knows]
Ayaka: How awful. …But I really don’t remember things happening like that at all.
Manaka: You say you don’t remember, but that’s just how our world is…you see, I am connected directly to the Root, so I can see all sorts of things…
Ayaka: All sorts of things?
Manaka: Indeed, so I saw the you who could only use a few types of thaumaturgy even though you had awakened, the you who traveled to other places while using Hanafuda to battle, the you who became London Star-san’s disciple and played the part of this mysterious character while at the same time munching on okonomiyaki, I saw everything…ah! That’s-! Creation! Creation! The dark soul is about to stop! Hurry up and get to work!
Lancer: Hey, that person is connected to a Root that she shouldn’t be connected to.
Archer: What is this zombie girl actually seeing?
Saber: Ahem! That is enough. First, let the three suspects please tell us what you were doing at the time of the incident, or in other words, your alibi.
Archer: Hmph, you want to hear my alibi?
Saber: Yes. But please take note, even the smallest lie will not be able to hide from my great knight’s wisdom. Understand that much before making an assertion.
Lancer: Huh? Alibi? Well, that’s like, you know, because the power suddenly went out I had free time, I went and watched some TV.
Archer: Hmm. Since the power went out, I used the extension telephone to file a complaint.
Saber: Hm. Such invulnerable, undoubtable, perfect alibis.
Ayaka: No, no, no. Everyone please wait, please wait! I said that twice because it’s important. Saber, are you an idiot?
Manaka: By the way, I was changing clothes for the party and preparing other things.
Ayaka: Ah, Onee-chan is saying proper things again.
Manaka: Of course~ when we talk about Christmas we have to talk about Santa Claus, and about Knecht Ruprecht, the black Santa! He’s a very famous Santa in Europe. He hides under bad children’s beds and scatters their blood and entrails around! So in order to collect their blood and entrails, he wanders around in the darkness with a knife.
Ayaka: This person is the worst--!
Saber: For goodness sake! There isn’t a single suspicious person!
Ayaka: Saber, are you an idiot?! Do you want to die?!
Lancer: Then, this is the room where Caster died.
Archer: At the time of the incident, this room was locked from the inside. Outside the window lies the sea, and this corridor is locked.
Saber: Indeed, this is the so-called locked-room murder.
Ayaka: Locked-room murder…I have seen this in novels and TV, but I wouldn’t have thought that it could happen in person…what kind of trick is this?
Manaka: Well, is it still locked?
Saber: No, because we already discovered the corpse, so just like before, we used the spare key to open the door. Now we can enter and exit freely.
Ayaka: Then why don’t we lock the room again to carry out some tests?
Saber: Understood. Lancer, if you would?
Lancer: Okay. Then I’ll dematerialize for the first time in a while. Okay, I recreated it for you.
Ayaka: THIS COMPLETELY DEFEATS THE MEANING OF LOCKED!!
Ayaka: So this is the murder site. Oh…! The corpse is preserved exactly as it was…Caster-san, I hope you attain enlightenment…but then, exactly how and by what was he killed?
Saber: We can begin investigating that now. Hmm? The refrigerator in the room was open the whole time, and everything inside have all started to melt. And on the floor quite clearly are water traces of a large block of ice having melted!
Lancer: Hey, look, over there is a pair of socks that are wet and full of sand! Huh? What’s up with this goldfish bowl, isn’t it strange that there’s too much sand in here?
Archer: Hmph…in here is some black stuff that came from the ice, in this glass of unfinished whiskey.
Manaka: Ah! Over here is a black notebook that has the murder victim’s name written on it!
Saber: What in the world! It is impossible to find out what the murder weapon was!
Ayaka: Are you really stupid all the way to your bones?! Do you want to die?! I was starting to think you were a bit of an airhead, but you have already exceeded airheadedness and become something worse!
Lancer: What is this…look! There’s a mysterious message card that was dropped here!
Archer: Let me see… 「こんたやじゅうたじたにこたろす」“kontayajuutajitanikotarosu ”. Is this a password? I can’t tell what it means!
Saber: A mysterious inscription, and next to it is a drawing of an animal…is this…a tanuki?! It looks like the emblem of the Magic Association. Is it the Freemasons?
Ayaka: U-waaah, I don’t even feel like interfering anymore. It’s a ta-nu-ki, right? Drop the “ta”, the “ta”! [「た」抜き "ta" nuki: drop/delete the "ta"]
Archer: Drop…the “ta”? Kon, yajuu, ji, niko, rosu…kon, yajuu…Yajuu!? [野獣: wild beast] Is it Class Beast?!
Lancer: What!? Do you know?! Archer!
Archer: Indeed, it was that fearsome demon that we defeated in the final battle. And then, ji, niko, rosu…ji [痔: hemorrhoids]…something horrible happened to his ass! And then niko [笑: smile], rosu [ロス: loss], meaning that the smile disappeared! In other words, something horrible happening to Class Beast’s ass caused his smile to disa-
Ayaka: Street-fighting practical PUNCH!
Archer: Buuuaaagh-ka! That hurt! It feels like I was hit by an extremely hard punch!
Ayaka: What is this!? What in the world is this? What happened in the world that created such an idiot?
Saber: Calm down, Ayaka. Let us think calmly now. Yes, because I will be by your side.
Manaka: But, my Saber, although you were playing the role of detective all this time, what were you doing when the power was out~
Lancer: Oh yeah…you…!
Archer: Mmm, if you think about those who could dematerialize, then you are also a prime suspect!
Manaka: In detective shows, plots where the detective himself is the culprit are quite common~
Saber: Ahahahaha…what kinds of stupid things are you saying, hahahahaha…Ayaka, you believe me, right?
Ayaka: Eh, there are these? There are even these plausible plot twists?
Archer: Hmm, so there were four suspects after all, and it seems like the evidence is all here!
Lancer: Yeah, and now that we have the trail, it’s time for the truth to come out!
Saber: Ahahahahaha, but I’m not the culprit! Hahahahahahaha…
Manaka: Exactly, Saber is not the culprit! In truth I am the culprit! How’s that?
Archer: Now, Ayaka! My princess! The time has come for you to exhibit your wisdom! Show us again that glasses are the proof of wisdom!
Lancer: There is only one truth!
Manaka: Take a bet as to who it is!
Saber: Ayaka, who do you think the culprit is-
Ayaka: Well, um…everyone? More like, there’s no need to guess. This whole event was a Christmas present performance, right?
Manaka: Yes! You need not be surprised! In fact this was all a farce!
Ayaka: Ah, yeah. I already knew that. I noticed a long time ago. How do I put this…did no one think of reading some detective novels and studying a bit? No one thought of reading old masterpieces for hints?
Manaka: How mean~ all for Ayaka, everyone looked for mystery novels on their own, and studied a lot!
Ayaka: Oh, really? I’m sorry.
Manaka: Hm~ In one group there was a murder, and the location of the murder was clearly somewhere that a human couldn’t enter, so how in the world was it accomplished!? …I wondered that in the beginning, and it turned out that the group was a community of monkeys! Was it ever mentioned that this community was a group of humans? It was that kind of story~
Saber: The protagonist was in fact a madman, and so the narrator, detective and culprit were all the same person~ that kind of story.
Lancer: A professional cook somehow became a Holmes-esque great detective, and solved all sorts of difficult cases in a rainy Karuizawa. It was an awesome story~
Archer: In one of this author’s other works, he wrote about a baseball team that was somehow transported to the Sengoku era wearing Japanese Self-Defense Force equipment. They were not only slaying people but also played baseball with Nobunaga, and I was so absorbed in reading. That was awesome!
Manaka: Oh? It seems like no one was able to do research, right?
Ayaka: What do you mean, “right”!? Those were all stupid and ridiculously extreme stories!
Archer: Well, did no one read a normal one? Ah, it should have been that story about the six young girls and their respective constellations, and the murderer who cut off a part of their bodies to imitate astrology…
Manaka: Ah~ it was that something-something
Ayaka: NO! That line is somewhat dangerous so please stop!
Saber: So in conclusion, what did you think of it? Our surprise present.
Ayaka: Nn, I’m tired.
Lancer: Hey! Even though the surprise only went so far, we also prepared real presents.
Saber: Ayaka, Merry Christmas!
Manaka: Merry Christmas!
Archer: Congratulations, Ayaka!
Lancer: Treat me well from now on too, Ayaka!
Saber: Let me start. I hope you will accept this.
Ayaka; Oh…oh! Aah-it’s a cute pair of glasses with pretty red frames!
Saber: It would be much better if you paid just a little more attention to your manner of dress. Firstly, replace those black frames with these stylish ones, how is that?
Ayaka: Yes! Thank you, Saber!
Archer: Indeed! Now, receive my highly-priced present as well!
Ayaka: Ah, a beautiful red dress!
Archer: Since I heard that the holy sword wielder bought red framed glasses, I picked a matching color.
Lancer: Then, mine is an accessory. I heard you like birds, Miss.
Ayaka: A feathered charm! It’s so cute~
Manaka: And then mine is a guitar~ Ayaka, Merry Christmas~
Ayaka: Thank you, everyone, many thanks!
Yes, I was wondering for a while how it would turn out, but this kind of Christmas isn’t bad either. I lost my father so quickly, and Onee-chan was like that up until a while ago, and I was forced unwillingly to participate in that annoying Holy Grail War, but I overcame all of that. After having endured everything, it turns out that this kind of future was waiting for me.
Ayaka: Saber, everyone, I am in your care from now on as well!
Ayaka: By the way, Onee-chan, shouldn’t you go and call him?
Manaka: Hmm? Call whom?
Ayaka: Sheesh, I’m talking about Caster-san. Having him lie there the whole time pretending to be a corpse is no good. Call him over here or something.
Manaka: You say call him, but isn’t he already dead?
Ayaka: Eh? Eh-!! Wait, for real?! Are you serious!?
Manaka: A—hahahaha! Ahahaha! Ahahahahaha…it’s true that the entire event was a lie, but who said that no one had killed him?
Ayaka: Uwaah! There was a trick in such a strange place!
Manaka: Because, you know, if we had had Caster-san pretend to be dead while still alive, in order to summon the person in Caster-san’s role…the money…the money...wouldn’t be enough!! Either way, is the person in Proto-Caster’s role even determined? Is he even in this story? Huh? The Root is…ah, the Root that I am connected to is transmitting electric waves…Aaaahaa! My head hurts~~huuu…uuu…
Lancer: Where exactly is this person connected to?
Archer: Why not cut off the connection and take a look?
Ayaka: Really! Something really happened! Stop the boat, please! Call the police, call the police! Where are we going anyways?
Manaka: Right now we’re near the Phillipines~
Saber: Ayaka, this is a Christmas cruise. There can be only one destination: the island of my great British Empire, Christmas Island.
Ayaka: Then wouldn’t we be near Australia?!
Archer: Yes. It’s well known for being covered with red crabs during spawning season.
Lancer: But I heard that those crabs are hard to eat because they taste like petroleum.
Ayaka: You two over there! Why do you know so much about something so useless?!
Manaka: Also, during World War II, this island was the flight base for the B32 Flying Devil. But during landing it was completely wiped out by battleship artillery.
Ayaka: How am I supposed to know about this World War II?! Onee-chan, what kind of world timeline are you looking at? Aaaaaah-! I knew I shouldn’t have come! What am I going to do now-!